Steal from Psychopaths: How to Get Someone to Do What You Want Them to Do

Madusha Ranaweera
2 days ago
4 min read

Psychopaths (not just the ones in your true-crime documentaries) have a way of getting people to do exactly what they want.

And given the statistics, the odds aren't in your favor. There are more psychopaths in business than there are in any other field. So you've almost certainly worked with one.

This series is about what to watch out for, how to safeguard yourself, and learn a thing or two from them (to use for better causes, of course).

One of their favorite tricks to get people to go along with what they want? It's called 'Labeling' in psychology.

And you can adapt it too.

How Labeling Works

Here's how it works.

You're in a conversation. Let's say pitching an investor or closing a sale.

Instead of asking for a decision outright, you label the person you're speaking with a characteristic that works in your favor.

For example:

"Mark, you strike me as a decisive person who trusts his instincts and takes action quickly."

What happens next is subtle but powerful.

Mark's brain instantly starts aligning with the label. His actions unconsciously shift to match it. You will be able to close the sale with Mark.

Why? Because humans hate being inconsistent with how others see us.

That's just the way our brains have evolved to increase our odds of sticking with our social group (because your survival depended on it at one point). We're wired to maintain consistency between how we're perceived and how we behave. It's a survival mechanism that's now hardcoded into our psychology.

The Psychology Behind the Trick

This isn't just manipulation for manipulation's sake. There's real science here.

When you label someone with a positive trait, you're essentially creating a social contract. You've acknowledged something in them, and now they feel compelled to live up to that acknowledgment. It's a form of positive reinforcement that works instantly.

Think about it. If someone calls you generous, you're more likely to pick up the tab. If they call you reliable, you're less likely to flake on commitments. If they call you a strategic thinker, you'll probably put more effort into your next recommendation.

The label becomes a mirror, and we can't help but want to see ourselves reflected accurately in it.

Is it manipulative? It's manipulation 101. And psychopaths (and really good salespeople) use it without blinking.

They understand that human behavior is malleable, and they know exactly which buttons to push to get the outcomes they want. They've mastered the art of making people feel seen in a way that serves their agenda.

The Light Side of a Dark Tool

But like any psychological tool, labeling can be used for good.

In leadership, you can affirm someone as a thoughtful listener or a strong problem-solver. Watch how they lean into those qualities in future meetings. You're not just flattering them. You're helping them become the version of themselves they want to be.

In negotiations, you can frame a counterpart as collaborative and fair-minded. Suddenly, they're more likely to find middle ground because you've given them a reputation to uphold.

In everyday life, you can reinforce the best in people and they'll usually rise to it. Tell your colleague they're incredibly detail-oriented, and they'll probably catch that error in the report you missed. Tell your partner they're thoughtful, and they'll likely show up with more intention.

The dark side of labeling is obvious. When used cynically, it's pure manipulation. It's getting someone to act against their best interests by appealing to their ego. It's making them dance to your tune while thinking they're in control.

But the lesson for us is clear: labels shape behavior. Use them wisely.

How to Use Labeling Ethically

If you're going to use this technique (and let's be honest, you probably already do without realizing it), here's how to do it without becoming the villain in someone else's story:

Be genuine. Don't label someone with traits they clearly don't have. If Mark is notoriously indecisive, calling him decisive won't work. It'll just make you look disingenuous. The best labels are rooted in truth, even if you're amplifying a quality that's only emerging.

Use it to empower, not exploit. Ask yourself: am I using this to help someone step into their potential, or am I using it to get something from them? There's a difference between inspiring someone to be their best self and tricking them into doing your bidding.

Reinforce positive behaviors. When you see someone doing something well, label it. "You're really good at keeping the team focused." "You have a knack for seeing around corners." These aren't empty compliments. They're behavioral anchors that encourage repetition.

Be aware when it's being used on you. This is the defensive skill. When someone labels you in a way that feels a little too convenient for them, pause. Are you actually a "risk-taker who doesn't overthink things," or are they trying to rush you into a bad decision? Awareness is your best defense.

Names Shape Behavior

Here's the truth: we're all susceptible to this. Every single one of us.

You've probably experienced it yourself. Someone called you creative, and suddenly you started taking more risks with your ideas. Someone called you dependable, and you made sure never to let them down. Someone called you difficult, and you found yourself living down to that expectation too.

Labels stick. They shape how we see ourselves and how we show up in the world.

So if you're going to use this tool (and you should), use it to build people up. Use it to call out the best in them. Use it to create the kind of culture and relationships where people feel empowered to be their highest selves.

And if someone's using it on you? Stay sharp. Not every label is meant to serve you.

Final Thought: Choose Your Labels Carefully

The next time you're in a high-stakes conversation, pay attention to how people are labeling you. And pay attention to the labels you're giving others.

Are they accurate? Are they helpful? Are they designed to bring out the best, or to serve an agenda?

Because here's the thing: psychopaths understand human nature better than most. They know how to pull the strings. But that doesn't mean we can't learn from their playbook and use it for good.

Just make sure you're using it to elevate people, not exploit them.