Why Being the 'Helpful' Leader Is Actually Hurting Your Team

Madusha Ranaweera
2 days ago
4 min read

"If you're always the solution, they'll never solve anything."

My mentor once told me this, and it stopped me in my tracks.

I mean, I'd heard it before but I needed someone to say it in a way my brain would finally let in: solving everything isn't leadership.

Most of us unconsciously believe that a good leader is like a good parent, constantly fixing things, constantly smoothing things over.

But a good parent isn't constantly doing those things, and neither should a good leader.

But for a while, constantly is exactly what I did.

If someone got stuck, I jumped in. If a conflict popped up, I smoothed it over. If a project stalled, I picked up the slack myself.

On the surface, maybe it looked like strength. But in reality? It was the fastest path to burnout.

It wasn't strong leadership. It wasn't even sustainable.

Worse, I was training people to depend on me instead of training them to think for themselves.

When Helpfulness Becomes a Problem

At one point, I had a Head of HR and the Head of Finance (two highly qualified, grown adults) constantly running to me because they couldn't agree on anything.

A sentence in an email. The way the other said good morning. And they'd both expect me to "fix it."

Meanwhile, I wasn't even above them in authority at the time.

Was this rock-bottom?

I remember thinking: what is even my job anymore?

That's when I realized: true leadership isn't about being the smartest person or the most giving person in the room. It's about building a room full of people who know how to solve problems without you.

The Rescue Trap

Here's what nobody tells you about being the "helpful" leader: you're not actually helping.

You're creating dependency. You're reinforcing the idea that problems can't be solved without you. You're teaching your team that they don't need to think critically, negotiate with each other, or develop their own problem-solving muscles.

Because why would they? You're always there to swoop in and save the day.

And sure, it feels good in the moment. It feels like you're being valuable, indispensable even. It feels like you're earning your title.

But what you're actually doing is building a system that can't function without you. And that's not leadership. That's a bottleneck with a fancy job title.

The truth is, every time you solve a problem that your team should be solving, you're stealing their opportunity to grow. You're robbing them of the chance to develop competence, confidence, and autonomy.

And you're setting yourself up for a future where you're drowning in work that shouldn't be on your plate while your team waits around for you to tell them what to do.

What Changed for Me

So as I climbed the ladder, I started setting boundaries early.

I learned to communicate them without creating tension. I learned to resist the urge to "rescue." I learned to frame context, set expectations, explain purpose.

Not because I was naturally gifted at it. But because I practiced.

And that's something we don't talk about enough: leadership is a skill.

We act like you're either "born" a leader or you're not. But that's nonsense. You can train yourself in it like any other skill.

Here's what that looked like in practice:

When someone came to me with a problem, I started asking questions instead of providing answers. "What do you think we should do?" "What have you already tried?" "If I wasn't here, how would you handle this?"

When conflicts arose between team members, I stopped mediating and started coaching. "Have you two talked about this directly?" "What outcome are you hoping for?" "What's preventing you from resolving this yourselves?"

When projects stalled, I stopped picking up the slack and started examining the system. "What resources do you need?" "What's blocking progress?" "Who else can help with this?"

It was uncomfortable at first. People pushed back. They wanted me to just fix it like I always had. And I had to fight the urge to cave, to be the hero, to make everything smooth again.

But I didn't. And something amazing happened.

What Happens When You Step Back

People started solving their own problems. Conflicts got resolved without me. Projects moved forward. My team got stronger, more confident, more capable.

And I got my time back. I got to focus on actual leadership work: strategy, vision, building systems, developing people.

It created stronger (more profitable) systems, healthier dynamics, and the space for everyone to grow.

Not overnight. Not perfectly. But consistently.

The Head of HR and Head of Finance? They eventually figured out how to work together. They had to. Because I stopped being the referee they could run to every time they disagreed.

And you know what? They're better leaders for it. They learned how to navigate conflict, compromise, and find solutions together. Skills they never would have developed if I'd kept playing mediator.

The Shift You Need to Make

If you recognize yourself in this, here's what you need to know:

Being helpful isn't the same as being effective. Being needed isn't the same as being valuable. And being the solution to every problem isn't leadership, it's codependency.

Real leadership is about making yourself obsolete in the day-to-day operations so you can focus on the big picture. It's about building a team that doesn't need you to function, but wants you around because you make them better.

That requires a mindset shift. From "I need to fix this" to "How can I help them fix this themselves?" From "I'm the only one who can handle this" to "Who else can develop this capability?"

It also requires you to get comfortable with discomfort. With watching people struggle. With letting things move slower than they would if you just did it yourself.

But that temporary discomfort is the price of long-term sustainability. And it's worth it.

Final Thought: Step Back to Move Forward

Sometimes the best leadership move is stepping back, not stepping in.

It's letting people figure things out. It's holding space for growth instead of providing all the answers. It's building capability instead of creating dependency.

So do it. For yourself, for your peace, and for your team.

Because at the end of the day, a leader's job isn't to be the hero. It's to create more heroes.