Don't Just Teach Employees to Set Boundaries. Teach Leaders Not to Cross Them.

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In my late 20s, while I still had a corporate job, I took my first vacation (just a week) that year.

I'd finished every project. Delegated every task. Just to have a week of peace.

And before you ask, yes I made it explicitly clear: "Don't contact me unless for emergencies."

Day one in Dubai, my phone rang. It was my boss at the time.

I answered (because I was terrified something bad would happen if I didn't).

An hour later, standing in the corner while my family (that I hadn't seen in years) waited for me, I realized: this wasn't urgent. Or even necessary.

He was just venting about office politics.

The Problem with "Set Better Boundaries"

And here's what bothers me most about this story.

Everyone will tell me I should have set better boundaries. That I should have simply not answered.

I'm certainly guilty of saying this to others.

But what about the other side?

Why is the burden of enforcing boundaries always on the employee?

There's a power dynamic here that we keep ignoring.

It's not easy to say 'no' to your boss, no matter how creatively you learn to do it. You know you'll deal with the consequences of their mood when you get back.

And that anxiety about not answering? That's not a personality flaw. It's a trauma response from working in toxic environments.

Let's be honest about what happens when you don't answer your boss's call on vacation. You come back to passive-aggressive comments. To being left out of meetings. To subtle signals that you're "not a team player."

Maybe not every time. Maybe not with every boss. But enough times that the fear is justified.

So when we tell employees "just set better boundaries," we're essentially saying "just risk your job security and your relationship with your boss because he should know better."

And yes, he should know better. But that's exactly the point.

What Companies Should Do Instead

Here's what companies should do instead:

No contact during PTO unless it's a documented emergency that somehow only you can handle. Office drama doesn't count. In case that wasn't obvious.

And by emergency, I mean actual emergency. Not "I need your opinion on something." Not "quick question." Actual emergency.

Clear consequences for leaders who violate these policies.

Not "we encourage managers to respect time off." Actual consequences. If a manager repeatedly contacts employees during PTO for non-emergencies, that should be reflected in their performance review. It should impact their bonus.

Because if there are no consequences for crossing boundaries, then the boundaries don't actually exist. They're just suggestions.

The Shift That Needs to Happen

Some boundaries should be respected by default, not just because someone had the courage to say no.

We don't teach people how to set boundaries against physical assault. We teach people not to assault others. And there are consequences when they do.

Why is this different? Why do we accept that employees need to constantly defend their off-hours, their vacation time, their personal space?

If you're worried about burnout and turnover in your organizations, start here:

Don't just teach employees how to set boundaries. Teach leaders which boundaries are non-negotiable.

Stop running workshops on "how to disconnect." Start holding managers accountable for making disconnection impossible.

Stop putting the burden on the person with the least power to enforce what should be basic respect.

Final Thought: Who Bears the Burden?

The problem isn't that I answered the phone. The problem is that he called in the first place.

The problem isn't that employees don't say no. The problem is that they're put in positions where saying no has consequences.

The problem isn't a lack of boundary-setting skills. The problem is a lack of respect for boundaries that should be automatic.

So if you're a leader, ask yourself: are you making your team defend their boundaries, or are you respecting them by default?

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